|...while the chemicals still danced in your head
||[10 Jul 2005|03:51pm]
Alright, so Nicole and I went to my cabin yesterday. It was a good time. I learned how to waterski and I made it around the ENTIRE LAKE! Yeah... so I was pretty pumped. We tubed and that was fun. Steve took us out on a boat ride and at the end, he decided to do these REALLY sharp turns where you feel like you're going against the force of gravity - I thought I was dying or something. The first time was sweet and then when he did it a second time... Nicole flew across the boat and stuck her head in the water. I almost pissed my pants. It was hilarious. Yeah... so we went back and packed up our shit and left. Nicole and I had stayed up the previous night until 5:30 calling Jeff and leaving him messages. I think we left him 6, or so. Yeah, so I was exhausted.
On the way home, I was listening to MTV Unplugged: 10,000 Maniacs. (Which, by the way is thee bomb.) And I noticed a couple pro-life signs on the side of the road. I was just like whatever. Then, I saw one after another after another. I saw 7 pro-life signs in an hour and a half. They were all like "God made me! Please don't abort me!" and "Life begins at conception." It's just dumb. You don't see any signs of a pregnant woman saying "Please don't make me bear this child against my will." I mean... have some common-decency. Nobody wants to see an aborted fetus on top of a billboard. I don't care what the government decides in the coming years. My uterus belongs to me, thank you very much.
...Wow, I haven't talked about abortion in like 3 or 4 months. Snaps for Sarah.
Mmmmkay... nothing else to say.
P.s. You should all listen to 'The Shins' ... becauuuuuse they fuckin' rock.
|I'm in a blegh mood.
||[07 Jul 2005|10:57pm]
TEN RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME:
♥♥ I have a fetish for socks
♥♥ I love coffee
♥♥ I put cottage cheese in my soup
♥♥ I have overcome an anxiety disorder
♥♥ I like to sing into my hairbrush while dancing around my room
♥♥ I like reading in my treehouse
♥♥ I hate the after-smell of smoking a cigarette
♥♥ I'm deathly afraid of flies
♥♥ I will not kill a bug
♥♥ I used to have a bird named Cotton, but Maddie and I murdered him unintentionally
NINE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
♥♥ Make a mass amount of people happy
♥♥ Find real love
♥♥ Settle down and have a family
♥♥ Bring as much love to the world as I can
♥♥ Meet someone I idolize
♥♥ Become some type of political activist
♥♥ Join the Peace Corps after I graduate college
♥♥ Find a religion I truly appreciate and believe in
♥♥ Help the world
EIGHT WAYS TO WIN MY HEART:
♥♥ Hold my hand publicly
♥♥ Give me your kisses
♥♥ Give me your heart and the key, too
♥♥ Trust me
♥♥ Cuddle with me
♥♥ Let me fall asleep in your arms
♥♥ Kiss me on my neck or chest
♥♥ Give me a sweatshirt of yours
SEVEN THINGS THAT ANNOY ME:
♥♥ People who can't accept who they are
♥♥ People who change themselves
♥♥ When nobody stops to smell the roses
♥♥ People who are angry at the world
♥♥ People who just can't smile
♥♥ Ignorantly close minded people
SIX THINGS I BELIEVE IN:
♥♥ Love for everything
♥♥ Having fun
♥♥ Forgetting the bad
♥♥ Remembering the good
♥♥ Letting the wind take you where it's supposed to
FIVE THINGS IM AFRAID OF:
♥♥ Flies & Spiders
♥♥ Confessing feelings towards someone special
♥♥ Being alone
♥♥ Being hated
FOUR OF MY FAVORITE THINGS:
THREE THINGS I DO EVERYDAY:
♥♥ Drink a Diet Pepsi
♥♥ Listen to Music
TWO THINGS I WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW:
♥♥ Fall asleep in someone's arms
ONE PERSON I WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW.:
♥♥ The boy that's always in my dreams
( Girls' Poker NightCollapse )
|The story of my piercing.
||[05 Jul 2005|02:33pm]
Alright, I'll share about my weekend.
Saturday morning, I went golfing. My dad lost my clubs so I had to hit right-handed... it was homo. It was me, trav, and my grandparents. My dad and cindy came and met up with us after and we went out to lunch. I went to my mom's after. I called torey and asked if she could do my lip that afternoon. She came, did it. It barely bled and the needle didn't hurt going through my lip, it was putting the ring in that hurt like a bitch. So yeah, she left and I called nicole. She wanted Noodles and I wanted a new ring because Torey put in a 14-gauge and I wanted a 16-gauge so it would hurt less. We went and got that and I fussed over getting my new ring in. Oh, we saw Knight in the noodles parking lot. Uhmmm yeah, I drove nicole home and I called my dad. He picked me up. My grandparents were over. Nobody really said anything about my lip. They just made fun of me. My dad's been really cool about it.
Sunday... me, trav, my dad and cindy drove to duluth to see Anne and Josh. We saw Josh's house... THEY HAD A KEG-ER-ATOR. Which is where you have a fridge and you specialize it to fit a keg and then you connect the keg to this little tube and the beer comes out the side of the fridge. It's frickin' awesome. Then, we went to Grandma's for lunch. Drove by St.Scholastica and UMD for trav. I loooooooved scholastica's campus - it was amazing. I guess trav reaaaaally wants to go there, now. Oh, we also went to the bar/restaurant where Josh and Anne work. Anne said I might be able to go to the club upstairs one night and spin with the DJ. So yeah, we left and drove home. I sat around and watched tv for the rest of the night.
Monday... we went golfing again. We had a 6-some. Me, Rob, Trav, Dad, Cindy, and my step-grandpa Jim. It was fun... I still didn't have clubs so I just drove Jim around in the cart. It was a good time. Came home, Rob left. Trav and I threw a baseball around. I got really bored. My dad, cindy, trav and I went to the Taste of Minnesota. It was okay. I had pictures on my dad's digital but they got deleted. We came home, I watched The Big Lebowski and sat around. I didn't even go to any fireworks.
Today... I woke up and sat around. Showered and shit... my mom called and she came and picked me up. She yelled at me in the car and now I'm grounded until I take my lip ring out. Oh yeah,Nikki and Ruth were over at my mom's when she picked me up, so she drove them home before I even got a chance to talk to them. Now, I'm sitting here doing nothing. I'm just gonna take it out to please my mom. Whatever... fuck it. I have extra rings to wear around if I really want to keep it pierced.
But both of my parents agreed I could get my nose pierced if I took my lip ring out for good. I don't know how the hell they came up with that. I didn't even ask... my mom just said she'd much rather prefer if I'd gotten my nose pierced and that she would have let me keep it. My dad said the same... so now I'm gonna get that done.
Life's confusing. PEACE.
||[02 Jul 2005|07:17pm]
I got it done! It's pimp. I'll take pictures at my dad's tonight.
||[30 Jun 2005|10:52pm]
I'm getting my lip pierced this weekend.
Shh, don't tell my mom.
|I like reading...
||[28 Jun 2005|10:44pm]
"I'm not going to tell you I've never been in love, because you and I both know that's not true. I was in love once, and it didn't work out, and because of that, I have worked very, very hard to convince myself that love doesn't actually exist. Because I didn't want to admit that I'd screwed up. And if I couldn't have it, I didn't want anyone else to, either."
|Nothing too important
||[25 Jun 2005|01:13pm]
MMM... the past few days have been... different. I've been with Ruth and Nikki most of the time - they rock my world. I don't really feel like explaining much, so I'll summarize!
**swimming nekkid ;), being "chased" by the cops, losing my sandal, freaking out, playing apples to apples, relating cocaine to patriotism, driving through mcdonald's and saying hello to the great and wonderful AMY GRACE, *SOMEONE* confusing Anne Frank with Helen Keller haha**
Yeah, so then I'll start with yesterday, late afternoon. Nicole randomly gets a phone call from Jeff Noel, and he invites us to see Batman Begins... so we go. Nicole hated it, but she's just dumb. I fucking loved it - I thought it was amazingly amazing. We go to my dad's house because my mom and steve are gone for the weekend, so they make me sleep at mi papa's (stupid, but oh well), so around 12, trav comes home, drunk. He came out and watched tv with us and insisted that he wasn't drunk. He kept on walking in straight lines and doing cartwheels to "prove" to us that he was not intoxicated (which he was). Last time he was drunk, he drank mustard (odd? - no that's just trav!). So yeah, that was fun for awhile, but then he just got annoying - Nicole thought he was funny. We all ended up falling asleep. Woke up around three, kicked trav off of the couch because I was sleeping sitting up and it was uncomfortable. Ummm, yeah woke up at 10, watched Sex and the City (THE BEST SHOW EVER CREATED) Then we sang with the "Voice Lessons" on ON-Demand, watched some personal ads in Dating on Demand anddd started to watch Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, but decided to leave. So now, I'm back at mi mama's, home alone, with nothing to do.
LIFE SUCKS - fuck you all who have significant others.
|"Tonight the headphones will deliver you the words I cannot say"
||[21 Jun 2005|10:50pm]
I'll try through my haze and half shut eyes
to count up all the reasons why
I should be back at home tonight
Half awake half a world away
all my past mistakes and every mis-spent day
proves that I'll never change
I'll always stay the same
I wouldn't have it any other way
Hmm... so today I got up around 11. I sat around and watched tv in my room; (yes, Steve-a-rino hooked up the tv in my room... it's not cable... but it's tv!). Thennnn I got off of my ass and had some of this bruschetta shit my mom made... it was SO good. So then, she left andddd I sat online for a few minutes. Ended up making plans with Knight, Ruth, Nicole, and Fee to go to the beach and play frisbee. Ruth and Nicole walked over, we fucked around until Knight picked us up - yes we're too lazy to walk to the beach from my house even though it's like a half a mile. So we get there, play frisbee, sit around. Nicole, Ruth and I swim around. Got out, tanned... Cait and Shelby came and then Nicole and Ruth left to walk to my house to shower and shit. Then, soon after, Knight, Fee, Cait and Shelby left to get pop - I gave 'em the code to get into my house. Zaidman showed up as they were leaving. We had a little mishap with my cigarettes. I left because I was pissed. He biked to my house and beat me there. So I get home, everyone's in my house making pizza and I just didn't give a shit. Sat around, drank pop - people left gradually. It was a good time.
So, I took a shower and sat on my ass all night. I watched the weirdest shows on UPN and gave myself a makeover. I'm just about to go organize my jewelry because it's cluttering up in the huge ass box I have it all in. Wow, I totally have a life. I need some new relationships, pronto. Call me.
I'm out. Peace.
P.s. Just for shits and giggles... here's something cool ( jfeufheuiwheuifhwuCollapse )
|I thought these lyrics were really interesting...
||[19 Jun 2005|10:07pm]
"Don't blink, everyone's watching. They'll think you're up to something.
They need for you to be everything that they cannot be themselves."
|Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll
||[19 Jun 2005|08:09pm]
I love Tom Petty.
" I wanna glide down over Mulholland
I wanna write her name in the sky
I'm gonna free fall out into nothin’
I'm gonna leave this world for a while
And I'm free, free fallin' "
||[18 Jun 2005|11:34am]
Hmm... so I was thinking a lot this morning about where I was this time last summer and I realized that my life was being taken over by my anxiety disorder at this exact time last summer. It just depresses me that I had to go through that. I mean, things are getting better with it now... but I kept so much of it hidden from everyone I know that nobody knows how real those voices were, and how completely insane it was to see people who weren't real.
My psychiatrist wouldn't sign me for another season at her clinic, so I had to go to some fucked up therapist who eventually gave up on me at about the time I gave up on myself. I'm just really happy that I had the brains to get out of therapy and help myself. I think that is why I'm here today. Voices fuck with your head so fucking much it's just completely insane. I think getting out of therapy was the last straw for me and if that didn't work, I knew I would kill myself. The voices were telling me to die, and I kind of pulled a reversal and said "fuck you, I won't."
I just wanted to take this time to thank the people who made recovering a lot easier than it should have been. First off... there's a certain group of people whom were very supportive of me for awhile and although, to be honest, some of that support turned to taunting me because of my disorder, but I don't think anyone helped me out more than you guys did. It may not seem like you did a lot, but you knew it was hard for me to talk about, so you didn't bring it up for a very long time. And maybe one of you is actually going to read this, but thank you guys just for everything last summer... Tim, Knight, Cait, Fee, Nick, Michael, and Zobel.
And I want to thank these people just for listening to me... Maddie, Nate, Ruth, Nicole, and yeah Cait could fit into this mold as well. You guys listened to so much bottled up shit, it's unbelievable. Thank you. Also Mosvick and Zaidman... you guys are the best.
Blagh, I feel retarded doing this but I really just wanted to get all of that out.
P.s. Thanks Cait, Knight, and Fee for staying up all night with me the night of my brain tests.
||[16 Jun 2005|12:47am]
I'm in loooooooveeeeee.
"And we’ll sing out loud for hours
Until the morning that we know we can’t avoid
These nights are notable and priceless
I swear that every word I say
I mean until my dying day
It’s a shame when I wake I can’t recall a thing
It’s a shame when I wake I can’t recall a thing
So keep things quiet
Until the rest of the street falls asleep
Then we’ll break out
And show everyone just what we’re made of
Were so young
Let’s abuse it all and have a little fun
I'll drink to that. Let's all drink to that."
||[13 Jun 2005|04:28pm]
Michael Jackson = NOT GUILTY.
I'm so relieved. I love him.